Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is Charles. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually Chuck Norris—more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris—robot in disguise, and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of beard. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, Bang!
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying booya.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, Don’t worry about it honey, and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, Never question Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you’re thinking to yourself, That’s impossible, I already lost my virginity, then you are dead wrong.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is his way.
“Film Noir was when tough guys were really tough and almost every gal was a Femme Fatale.” ~ Unknown Femme Fa•tale / fem fəˈtal, fem fəˈtäl / noun An attractive and seductive woman, especially one who will ultimately bring disaster to a man who becomes involved with her. Hmmmmmm, that’s not exactly a definition…
The guys over at How To Feed A Loon have posted a great article about how to make the perfect homemade French Fries. They include a couple of instructional videos, their delectable recipe, and some tips that will help you to make your fries the best ever! We’ve created the Infographic below that compiles all…
Heading to North Carolina anytime soon? Here are some things that a Charlotte visitor’s bureau ad suggested you do while you’re in town. 1 » Billy Graham Library The Billy Graham Library is a public museum and library documenting the life and ministry of Christian evangelist Billy Graham. It is located on the grounds of…
Commercials — You either gotta-love-them or absolutely-hate-them! Regardless of in which camp you belong, there’s an exceptional commercial along the Dragon Road and its 999 steps to Heaven’s Gate on Tianmen Mountain in China. Surely, this commercial is in the gotta-love-them camp — and the short-form commercial can be seen now in certain regions around…
Today is Sean Connery’s 89th birthday — Happy Birthday, James Bond 007… or more accurately, Happy Birthday, Sir Thomas Sean Connery! There is no better time than today to post a list of James Bond movies that starred Sean Connery, the Scottish actor who was knighted in 2000 for services to film drama. Although several…