Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is Charles. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually Chuck Norris—more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris—robot in disguise, and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of beard. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, Bang!
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying booya.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, Don’t worry about it honey, and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, Never question Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you’re thinking to yourself, That’s impossible, I already lost my virginity, then you are dead wrong.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is his way.
Poet and playwright Tim Lee—also known by his alter ego Winsphere Jones—and his Winspherian Theatre Company returned to the Douglass Theatre to debut his then-latest creation, From the Lion’s Mouth, a story about one man’s fall from grace. Equal parts classical drama and love story, From the Lion’s Mouth—the last of five Lee productions as…
If you love Latino cuisine and culture, there are a few “must visits” while you’re traveling. Keep these restaurants in mind when you’re in any of the cities where they are located. » Barelas Coffe House (Albuquerque, NM) A very popular, authentic and no-nonsense Mexican haunt for locals and visitors, so be prepared to wait. 1502…
The following list was part of a Charlotte (NC) visitor’s bureau ad that appeared in the Travel section of USAToday. 1 » Billy Graham Library 2 » Scarowinds 3 » Harvey B. Gantt Center for African-American Arts & Culture 4 » Lowe’s Motor Speedway 5 » Discovery Place 6 » Belk Theater 7 » Carolina…
It is no surprise that many, many New Year’s parties are scheduled for the coming week! I’m sure you’ve picked the one(s) you’re going to attend, so you don’t need to read about them here. And how does one write an end-of-year message that appropriately thanks our multitude of Arts patrons for their unending support?…
An “Invitation Only” screening of the new documentary Farmland, which examines and presents the perspectives of several next generation American farmers and ranchers, was recently held at the Historic Douglass Theatre. It was one of only a few “premiere” events of its kind held around the country to publicly introduce the film directed by James…