Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is Charles. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually Chuck Norris—more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris—robot in disguise, and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of beard. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, Bang!
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying booya.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, Don’t worry about it honey, and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, Never question Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you’re thinking to yourself, That’s impossible, I already lost my virginity, then you are dead wrong.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is his way.
There was almost too much to choose from Cuban rice, Asian noodles, Turkish beans, and that is the short list. These are just three of many dishes sampled by those attending this year’s Food for the Soul event, the Tubman African American Museum’s International Taste of Soul. With nearly 20 vendors to choose from, taste…
If you love Latino cuisine and culture, there are a few “must visits” while you’re traveling. Keep these restaurants in mind when you’re in any of the cities where they are located. » Barelas Coffe House (Albuquerque, NM) A very popular, authentic and no-nonsense Mexican haunt for locals and visitors, so be prepared to wait. 1502…
The following list was part of a Charlotte (NC) visitor’s bureau ad that appeared in the Travel section of USAToday. 1 » Billy Graham Library 2 » Scarowinds 3 » Harvey B. Gantt Center for African-American Arts & Culture 4 » Lowe’s Motor Speedway 5 » Discovery Place 6 » Belk Theater 7 » Carolina…
Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0, and noticed a distinct slow-down in overall system performance—particularly in the Flower and Jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable…
Falling Up: My Story is the Autobiography of Jaime Luis Gomez. That name may be unrecognizable to the general public. Why? To the world Gomez is known as the rapper Taboo. He is one fourth of the world renowned group, the Black Eye Peas. His autobiography goes deeper than the average story of achieving a childhood…